i never thought i had more to give
searching these empty thoughts,
empty heart, i found more waiting
as if by wishing it was there sleeping
seems almost perfect, but its not mine
watching you is almost painful, no, it is
wait, not too much, i’m used to it by now.
cut my losses and confess that i don’t belong
i’ll stand in line for redemption,
(the dead lie on the side)
resurrect me, underneath my foul breath
callous thoughts run wildly
stop! clear your throat and compose yourself
(remember me? put me in the painting on the wall)
i am everything that you won’t explain
homeless and begging, i am the abandoned
dressed in life, stressed for success
on a journey to what lies above and not below
i will not falter, and i won’t abandon my companion
for He loved me first and carried me through
when i think about this love that has survived
separation, pain, pride and hate…
it makes me want real love more than ever.
Love casts out all fear. God is love.
there is a way inside my heart
but no one or thing has gotten that far
whisper something in my ear so i know You’re there
i’m keeping You away, i do what i want without thinking
You stir the mud, and cover me with water
but i keep digging further, the stones are getting heavy on me
what have i done with my life?
my spirit falls asleep, it groans and turns over
why does it seem that all is slipping from me?
ladders can’t take me to the place where i am reaching
tell me something, anything
don’t leave me to my thoughts
am i not worthy of the riches after wasting away, slaving for it?
i’m crawling towards happiness
but can never seem desperate enough
my laugh is dry and my eyes don’t spill out the right things
is this all there is, all that there ever was?
even subtleties are loud and painful
and the sunrise brings back the crows
i stumble forward, my feet are bare and broken
but I will push and push and push for You
i used to be a walking ghost
but i could never touch anyone
just watched them love each other
this is all i can do, is it true?
i thought i would never change, but now
i am being transformed to a stain glass window
and when stones are flying
from the ones i long to keep,
my heart will shatter time and time again
my soul is second rate, refurnish me
is time so temporary that it’s already gone?
is it gone already?
i am alive but worthless
i am cheapened without You
pick me up off the floor
i’m telling You that i can’t do this anymore
i promise you the world,
then i turn, smile and repeat
what i did yesterday-
nothing.
my blog. 