make the music louder

my heart is hard, but fragile.
i’m brave, but i’m not.
i’m strong and independent..
but that is a lie.
i feel so heavy that i’ve learned to crawl.
rather than face shame and dismissal
i would much rather dig deeper and
find that i’m going to die
with my head in the sand.

the sky opened

lower your voice

your heartbeat feels the same

in your brain i see that

all the images are to blame

heavy breathing and i’m succeeding

to find out how beautiful your heart really is

a precious thought turned into

a unmistakable moment

plagues

i never thought i had more to give

searching these empty thoughts,

empty heart, i found more waiting

as if by wishing it was there sleeping

seems almost perfect, but its not mine

watching you is almost painful, no, it is

wait, not too much, i’m used to it by now.

prodigal.

Hear me out, this is not what i planned to do!

i was heading towards my shine;

wandering forward on backwards concepts,

depending on my abilities and my strength-

but my sick and dying heart fooled me again.

i took what was mine and now i have nothing.

i thought i deserved the world, but the world is empty and lonely.

i ignored Him calling and shut the door behind me.

i left to do what i felt was right and substantial to me.

But without You, i have nothing; You are my everything.

What a fool i am-blind, deaf and dumb.

i went from a table You prepared for me to a pig’s trough,

Rich robes to barefoot and naked,

But my heart was always diseased.

Now i’m coming back, and already i see that

You are running to me, desperately.

i’m barely able to stand up straight from shame and despair,

And You are laughing, singing, shouting, dancing!

And running so fast to catch me.

God, You haven’t given up, Your love does not end.

You knew i would come back-

i am nothing without You.

God, grant me the strength.

this morning, i woke up and my heart was heavy.
be my strength today, i am weak.
be my mercy, please, i am torn
between weeping and closing my eyes;
each breathe is filled with sadness.
today, i need your love.
songs of life dance all around me-
even now, i am familiar with your joy.
serenade me with your presence, God.

here i am.

i was gray before i knew you

my heart was empty before you moved in

there was no sunshine in my sky,

just kept turning around,

looking for the missing piece.

but then you showed up, or more like

i finally woke up.

i took a deep breath and

now i’m addicted to your life

i’m never going to give you up,

never going to run away

your love erases all my fears

you are the center of my day

it started with a whisper,

and now i sing myself to sleep

i want you to know that

life didn’t matter before you saved me

from becoming forgotten

i can hear you speak to me,

i’m captured by your attention

talk to me.

cielo

i waited for you today.
my pain burning from my heart to my eyes
i was falling and immovable-
all at the same time.
i remembered everything i wanted,
i was impatient for your time.
my words were rusted,
they were gone as soon as i spoke them.
then you reached out-
light pierced my heart and
put my head in the clouds.
you put a new song in my mouth
i told you that i loved you and
you paused heaven to listen.
you didn’t require anything to love me
and you didn’t care how much i’ve failed you,
you saved me from myself,
and you are home to me.

let’s face this night and see it through.

my heart just froze.
please don’t ever let me go.
all of this is too much
if there’s not anything to handle.
your words are all i need
even despite it all.
actually, press me in closer.

a kiss.

i trust that you love me, too.

journey into the rose bush
open your eyes and
see that i am giving you my
heart to hold. just be patient.

i am only trying to win you back.

there is a way inside my heart
but no one or thing has gotten that far
whisper something in my ear so i know You’re there
i’m keeping You away, i do what i want without thinking
You stir the mud, and cover me with water
but i keep digging further, the stones are getting heavy on me
what have i done with my life?
my spirit falls asleep, it groans and turns over
why does it seem that all is slipping from me?
ladders can’t take me to the place where i am reaching
tell me something, anything
don’t leave me to my thoughts
am i not worthy of the riches after wasting away, slaving for it?
i’m crawling towards happiness
but can never seem desperate enough
my laugh is dry and my eyes don’t spill out the right things
is this all there is, all that there ever was?
even subtleties are loud and painful
and the sunrise brings back the crows
i stumble forward, my feet are bare and broken
but I will push and push and push for You
i used to be a walking ghost
but i could never touch anyone
just watched them love each other
this is all i can do, is it true?
i thought i would never change, but now
i am being transformed to a stain glass window
and when stones are flying
from the ones i long to keep,
my heart will shatter time and time again
my soul is second rate, refurnish me
is time so temporary that it’s already gone?
is it gone already?
i am alive but worthless
i am cheapened without You
pick me up off the floor
i’m telling You that i can’t do this anymore
i promise you the world,
then i turn, smile and repeat
what i did yesterday-
nothing.