sleeping in cemeteries.

in a deep slumber, i stir for a moment
and realize that i’ve been gone for days
i have forgotten what rest feels like but
reason tells me to not change
i’ve been chasing all my ghosts
and they tell me not to go back home anymore
but where have i been?
my God, what am i breathing in?
someone please read me the right way
look in my eyes, tell me what’s in front of me
my hand is grasping at nothing and
its getting harder to blink when
all i want to do is stare at the horizon
until it all bleeds together
i try to make nothing out of something,
but when you look at me,
i want to melt into the floor

cielo

i waited for you today.
my pain burning from my heart to my eyes
i was falling and immovable-
all at the same time.
i remembered everything i wanted,
i was impatient for your time.
my words were rusted,
they were gone as soon as i spoke them.
then you reached out-
light pierced my heart and
put my head in the clouds.
you put a new song in my mouth
i told you that i loved you and
you paused heaven to listen.
you didn’t require anything to love me
and you didn’t care how much i’ve failed you,
you saved me from myself,
and you are home to me.

when you want to run away from here.

stop. breathe.

its going to be ok.

i love you the same

and nothing has changed

keep your eyes above and 

not below with your feet in the mud

watch me, i made the stars that shine

and the sun rise that sings warmth

i’m the feeling of peace

the one that brings completion

trust me, i see what’s coming ahead

so don’t fall keeping an eye on the past

i know you tried so hard.

i know you can’t run for much longer.

if you can’t come to me,

wait, and i’ll come carry you home.

how can you live far away, when this is your home? (written 10/12/08)

home is where your heart is.
i don’t have a home anymore.
and i don’t know where my heart is.
i’m trying to make sense of all this.
and i feel like i have too much to handle.
there are times when i feel peace.
there are times when i have hope.
but then there are times when i feel like i am all alone on this.
i don’t know who i can trust or depend on.
so i’m trying to make friends.
depend on people that i know will help me.
people that i can trust.
but it is really hard.
because Samantha is breaking.
Samantha is falling apart.
Samantha needs someone.